Even hearing that and believing you, it still feels like a kind of a faraway dream at the moment. Ever since the pandemic, it's only grown to mean more in many regards. I just wish I could snap my fingers and get through that first awful month. Did you go cold turkey?

And do you suspect that if you smoked today you'd immediately spiral back? Is there no place of moderation for you? I've always been a bit resistant to things like 12 step programs because of the religious association, but really I think it would do more help than harm at this point.

I did once do a wildnerness rehab for a month, and it was amazing. Sadly it didn't keep me clean afterward, but I think if I were to do that same thing today it might be slightly more effective for me. Going in, I knew I didn't want to quit. Today, I at least know it needs to happen even if I'll put it off day after day after day.

Sorry for the delayed reply and thanks once again for your candor on this.