It's hard to overstate how thankful I am that I'm not a miserable boomer who takes time out of my day to insult writers who are decades younger than me on the internet.

Assumption is the noun form of "assume." There are arguments for different words there, but your compulsive need to leave these sort of rude and hilariously condescending comments really speaks to the kind of person you are. If this piece had nothing to offer, Medium wouldn't have Boosted it. If I didn't have something to offer, I wouldn't have 100 times your following. Find something better to do with your time than insult writers who bring far more to the table than you do.